as prepared by Doug and Diana Konz
Albany, Minnesota

Dear Lovers;

Dialogue has brought such a richness to our relationship and we hope that it will have the same effect on yours. Now that you have "been encountered", you are probably excited about all of the new discoveries in your relationship, and hope to keep that spark going.  We remember coming off of our weekend, walking on air for a time. Sad to say the modern world will quickly try to pull you back to earth. Hopefully, the experience of your weekend, and the excitement of discovering more about each other will help maintain the challenge of dialogue.

This dialogue companion has been designed to assist you in keeping your dialogue going as you begin your journey to a more intimate relationship. By learning the dialogue process, you may make it possible to expand, enhance, enrich , or deepen your relationship.  Enjoy each other and have fun discovering as much as you possibly can about your love!

Much love,

Doug and Diana Konz
Albany, Minnesota

Discovering Feelings

On Friday evening we learned how to use a new communication process called dialogue. Dialogue can open richness in our relationship by allowing us to explore each other in a more intimate way. By reaching a deeper level of understanding, our communication is improved.

Dialogue Questions For You:

· I am excited about Dialogue because ... HDIFAMA?
· Before our weekend, did I easily share my feelings with you? WAMFAMA?
· Is describing my feelings to you in a letter easy to do? WAMFAMA?

 [dialogue rules]   [feeling words]   [abbreviations]

Who Am I? Discovering Myself

We learned about our dominant personality style and were maybe surprised to discover why we were driven to do the things we do. It is sometimes exciting. As we learned during the weekend, the way we present ourselves to others has a definite effect on our spouse.

Dialogue Questions For You:

· How does the way I present myself excite or comfort others? WAMFAMA?
· How does the way I present myself disappoint, frustrate or annoy others? WAMFAMA?
· What parts of me do I hide from others? WAMFAMA?
· What parts of me do I hide from you? WAMFTYT?
· If I could change one thing about myself, I would change...? WAMFTYT?

 [dialogue rules]   [feeling words]   [abbreviations]

Today's Marriage

Periods of disillusionment are normal in every marriage. Keeping them to a minimum is what makes for a successful relationship! Our decision to love will help us break out of disillusionment.

Today's "Married Singles" lifestyle tempts us to put our relationship on the "back burner".

Dialogue Questions For You:

· What feelings do I experience when I realize I will always have to work at our marriage?
· What feelings do I experience when I am distant from you? DILD.
· What feelings do I experience when you are distant from me? DILD.

 [dialogue rules]   [feeling words]   [abbreviations]

Listening With All My Heart

Listening is the key to communication! When we experience what our spouse is feeling, then we know that we have listened with our heart. This is not to imply that we need to understand and agree with what they are feeling. Do not listen just to hear the words but to accept the person to whom you are listening. Make what your spouse is saying as important to you as it is to them.

Dialogue Questions For You:

· Am I a good listener? WAMFAMA?
· How do I feel when you listen to me with your heart?
· When I don't listen to you, what happens to our relationship? WAMFSTWY?
· What makes it hard for me to listen to you? WAMFAMA?

 [dialogue rules]   [feeling words]   [abbreviations]

Reaching Out and Striving For More

By sharing in sensitive areas, we can make our relationship even more intimate! Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could experience the freedom to talk about anything together!

Dialogue Questions For You:

If you are not ready for these questions, save them for later but please accept the challenge - your relationship is worth it!

· What are my feelings when I want to make love and we don't?
· What are my feelings about my body?
· What aspect of our sexual relationship do I have the most difficulty discussing with you? WAMFTYT?
· Today is the last day we will have together. WAMF hearing this statement?

 [dialogue rules]   [feeling words]   [abbreviations]

We Are A Sign

Marriage is a living sign of God's love. We did not receive a Sacrament on our wedding day, we became a Sacrament. What kind of a sign do we want to convey to others?

True happiness comes when we live intimately and responsibly in our relationship. By being intimate we are open to love and to be loved. By being responsible we are living out the decision to love in our daily lives.

Dialogue Questions For You:

· What promises did we make to each other in our marriage ceremony? WAMFA my commitment to keeping those promises?
· Which of my behaviors most interferes with my ability to live out God's desire for our marriage? WAMFAMA?
· What couple has been a living sign of God's love for me? WAMFAT?

 [dialogue rules]   [feeling words]   [abbreviations]

Out On A Limb - Risking To Trust In Dialogue

We must trust in the goodness of our spouse and risk being vulnerable in dialogue. We can then achieve a deeper intimacy in our relationship.

Activity:
Make a list of the subjects that I avoid sharing. Prioritize them.

Dialogue Questions For You:

· From the above list, what is the feeling in each area I prefer avoiding? WAMFTYT?
· What obstacles do I have that keep me from sharing with you? WAMFTYT?
· When do I feel most alone in our relationship and how well have I communicated this to you? WAMFAMA?
· Recall a time recently when I really knew you loved me. WAMF remembering this now?

 [dialogue rules]   [feeling words]   [abbreviations]

Impact Of Dialogue On Us

Nobody said daily dialogue is an easy task. It is too easy to slip away from dialogue because it becomes one more thing we have to do. Is growing closer in our relationship worth 20 minutes a day?

Dialogue Questions For You:

· What are my feelings about daily dialogue?
· Do I view daily dialogue as an opportunity or an obligation? WAMFAMA?

 [dialogue rules]   [feeling words]   [abbreviations]

Marriage As Sacrament

Marriage is a visible sign of God's love, and we as a couple are the heart of the "little church". We are lifted by the love we have for each other, and our spouse is a gift that should not be taken for granted.

Dialogue Questions For You:

· What were my feelings when i was asked to write an extended love letter?
· When did I last say I am sorry and ask for your forgiveness? WAMFAMA?
· What couple(s) have changed our lives? WAMFAMA?

 [dialogue rules]   [feeling words]   [abbreviations]

Keeping Our Relationship A Priority

Five tools for keeping our relationship a priority:

· Constant attention to our communication
· Attention to our sexual relationship
· Prayer for each other leading to couple prayer
· Journeying with others
· Reevaluation

Dialogue Questions For You:

· Because of who I am, am I comfortable with change? WAMFAMA?
· Have I romanced you recently? WAMFAMA?
· Because of who I am, am I comfortable praying as a couple? WAMFAMA?
· When I hear the words "being playful with you", I feel...? WAMFAMA?

 [dialogue rules]   [feeling words]   [abbreviations]

Sharing the Dream

We are part of the dream and we are needed. WIthout our efforts to invite, Marriage Encounter will not continue.

Dialogue Questions For You:

· Am I comfortable asking other to make a Marriage Encounter Weekend? HDIFAMA?
· When others are not receptive to our invitation to make a Marriage Encounter Weekend, I feel...?

 [dialogue rules]   [feeling words]   [abbreviations]

Continuing Our Journey

Our love as a couple is a reality and is needed in the world. The love we share as a couple is unique and irreplaceable. We can make a difference in the world by our desire to share our love. We need to be part of a community that shares these same values and wants to support our relationship.

Dialogue Questions For You:

· Is our love visible? WAMFAMA?
· How has our love affected others? HDIFABA?

 [dialogue rules]   [feeling words]   [abbreviations]

[additional dialogue questions]

Commonly Used Abbreviations

DILD		Describe in loving detail
HDIF(A)		How do I feel (about)?
HDIFAMA		How do I feel about my answer?
HDIFAT		How do I feel about that?
HDIFSTWY		How do I feel sharing this with you?
HDIFTYT		How do I feel telling you this?
WAMF(A)		What are my feelings (about)?
WAMFAT		What are my feelings about that?
WAMFAMA		What are my feelings about my answer?