| Dialogue
is the time for experiencing our spouse's feelings.
Dialogue is meant to allow your spouse to share their feelings without being
judged or analyzed. Dialogue is not a time to unload or blame. By following
some simple guidelines and techniques, you can make the most out of your
dialogue.
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Dialogue
Do's |
Write - a 10 minute love letter focusing
on feelings.
Exchange - and read twice, once for the head and once for the
heart.
Dialogue - 10 minutes on the strongest feeling in one of the
letters.
Select - a question for your next dialogue. |
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| Dialogue
Don'ts: |
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Avoid getting hung up on grammar or spelling.
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This is not the time for "garbage dumping".
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Avoid giving "you" messages. Use I feel statements instead.
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Avoid blaming statements, i.e., "you made me..." or "you didn't...". Just
concentrate on the feelings.
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Avoid measuring how much your spouse wrote.
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Avoid using critical judgements. The decision to love your spouse will keep
you on track.
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Don't expecting your spouse to change because you shared your feelings.
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Don't short-changing the time in your room together by not spending the full
time talking about and continuing to draw out/explore the feeling about which
you have written.
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Avoid the temptation to problem-solve on the subject during the dialogue
time, be sure to use the 10 minutes just to listen.
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